Figure skating wins gold in the sexual tension Olympics

Figure skating wins gold in the sexual tension Olympics
The program that launched a thousand fanfics.

Image: Jean Catuffe/Getty Images

Have you grown weary of shipping every possible character pairing from every CW show? Take a leaf from the internet’s book and consider shipping figure skating pairs instead.

One key difference between the two: figure skating pairs are seasoned athletes working with their professional partners, so don’t, like, publish detailed fanfic about them like you would about Betty and Veronica. But, as The Ringer pointed out Tuesday, it’s hard to deny the fun of shipping two extremely hot people performing incredible feats on international television.

First, let’s turn our attention to Chinese pairs skaters Sui Wenjing and Han Cong, who enraptured Twitter on Wednesday with their short program set to “Hallelujah.” (I mean, come on.) The two are obviously incredible actors as well as athletes, so it’s not that hard for the brain to catch the ferry into Ship City.

Hallelujah.

Image: Valery Sharifulin/TASS

To make matters tenser, Sui said in a recent interview that while there are currently no “romantic bubbles” in their relationship, “in the future, who knows?” This is a smart move — it’s definitely gotten the duo some impassioned new fans, whatever that says about Olympics viewers. It also leaves shippers a little room for hope.

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Then, of course, there’s Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the undisputed monarchs of sexual tension. The Canadian ice dancing competitors, who are so much better than any other pair that even a person who doesn’t understand skating (me) can tell they’re deity-level, are famous for appearing to be deeply in love on the ice. 

Let’s be real. Is anyone this good at pretending?

Finally, there’s the pair we can feel a little less weird about, because they definitely love each other: married American pairs skaters Alexa Scimeca-Knierim and Chris Knierim. Scimeca-Knierim battled life-threatening gastrointestinal illness in 2016, leaving her future uncertain — but the two have come back with a vengeance, showing clear and extremely shippable passion on the ice.  

Plus, they were at the Olympics together on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t get more romantic than that.

“I think what a lot of people have a hard time grasping is this journey is really between Chris and I,” Scimeca-Knierim told the Washington Post. “It’s not about our score. It’s not about the other teams being better than us. It’s deeper than that.”

Wow!!!!!!!!! Also, can someone pitch a figure skating dramedy to the CW? Thanks.

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