Forget graphing calculator hacks, real cheaters use a tortoise

Forget graphing calculator hacks, real cheaters use a tortoise

Look, cheating is bad. But if you’re going to do it, you better have a plan.

Sure, you could sneak glances at your phone, or write reminders on your hand or, if you’re really committed, enter a trove of information into your graphing calculator. All of those options pale in comparison to the purest and safest method to cheat on a test: a tortoise.

Nebraska biology student Sam Tighe tweeted that a tortoise with a handful of answers to multiple choice questions taped onto it is the only reason he’s passing his class.

Sure, you could get caught up on the fact that Tighe technically has his phone out for these pictures, or that he incorrectly identified the tortoise as a turtle, or that the whole thing is almost certainly not true. But you’d be missing the point.

The test tortoise is a Flinstonian throwback to another era of test-taking. When our great grandparents had to walk 16 miles uphill to school, and if they wanted to cheat, would have to train a woodland critter to bring the answers to their one-room schoolhouse. The test tortoise is old school, and that’s why they’ll never suspect it.

Don’t cheat, though.

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