‘Nessie can’t hide from us all!’ Cryptid-hunters plan to storm Loch Ness, inspired by ‘Area 51 raid’
Adventurers who survive the planned (?) raid on Area 51 can upgrade to bigger prey the next day: an event to “Storm Loch Ness” has attracted tens of thousands of monster-hunters with the tagline “Nessie can’t hide from us all!”
“The time is now for us to find dat big boi,” the Facebook event description reads, though it doesn’t say what attendees plan to do with the massive, dinosaur-like creature should they catch it. With over 22,000 marked “attending” and over 45,000 marked “interested,” the event is growing quickly. While the monster’s existence is officially denied, the Loch lacks the classified allure of Area 51, which is so secret the CIA didn’t even admit it existed until a few years ago.
“There’s really no need to ‘storm’ Loch Ness, given that it is open to the public 24/7, 365 days a year,” Gemma McDonald, a spokeswoman for the Royal National Lifeboat Institution overseeing the Loch, pointed out to CNN. While Nessie-hunters may not have to worry about armed guards, they will face chilly temperatures, as the 35km-long lake hovers around 6 degrees Celsius, and waves of up to 4m in height. It’s also about 229m deep. Better hope Nessie decides to go quietly.
McDonald actually encouraged monster-hunters to visit, as long as they “take appropriate precautions” for safety – a far cry from the Air Force’s chilly promise to “protect America and its assets” with presumably deadly force against the two million and counting alien hunters supposedly preparing to storm the Nevada desert to “see them aliens.” However, the Institution only has a single lifeboat, meaning monster-hunters will have to either take turns – which rather defeats the purpose – or bring a bigger boat.
The Loch Ness Monster, affectionately called “Nessie” by crypto-zoologists, is a long-necked creature that supposedly calls the Loch home which first surfaced in folklore in the 19th century. The Scottish beast doesn’t seem to have the viral appeal of aliens, however – Twitter is depressingly bereft of Nessie memes.
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