The leading digital dictionary announced 850 new definitions to its pages on Monday, and a lot of them feel overdue. There are a smattering of different categories, from various dog crossbreeds to words you haven’t used since 2008.
We’ve highlighted the most important additions below, and provided our own analysis on their necessity in our cultural lexicon. You can check out the full list on Merriam-Webster’s website.
For tech bros:
Wordie: “A lover of words.” Expect to see this pop up in some of the most obnoxious Tinder bios.
Cryptocurrency: “Any form of currency that only exists digitally, that usually has no central issuing or regulating authority but instead uses a decentralized system to record transactions and manage the issuance of new units.” I only understand the first eight words of this definition.
Blockchain: “A digital database containing information (such as records of financial transactions) that can be simultaneously used and shared within a large decentralized, publicly accessible network.” Whatever you say, Merriam-Webster.
Unicorn: “A start-up that is valued at one billion dollars or more.” I’m afraid to ask how many people actually refer to their start up as a “unicorn.”
Case-sensitive: “Requiring correct input of uppercase and lowercase letters.” These are the last two words I see before locking myself out of an account for exceeding the number of incorrect password submissions.
Bandwidth: “The emotional or mental capacity necessary to do or consider something.” Ha, we’re talking about emotions now techies. Finally a territory I understand all too well.
For city-dwelling hipsters:
Glamping: “Outdoor camping with amenities and comforts (such as beds, electricity, and access to indoor plumbing) not usually used when camping.” In my last apartment I slept on the floor for a week before my bed frame came in. Does that count?
Kombucha: “A somewhat effervescent beverage prepared by fermenting kombucha with black or green tea and sugar.” Otherwise known as something I refuse to drink, ever.
Self-care: “Care for oneself.” Wow, talk about an illuminating definition there, Merriam-Webster.
Life-hack: “A usually simple and clever tip or technique for accomplishing some familiar task more easily and efficiently.” You can thank us lazy millennials for new, obnoxious additions like this.
For your outdated grandparents:
Dark-chocolate: “Chocolate that is dark in color and contains a high percentage cocoa and cocoa butter, usually no milk, and varying amounts of sugar.” I feel a lot of pride for my favorite chocolate variety finally making the big leagues. You go, dark coco.
Hate-watch: “To watch and take pleasure in laughing at or criticizing (a disliked television show, movie, etc.).” This is what all of my friends do to my own life, so it feels like a personal attack.
Subtweet: “A usually mocking or critical tweet that alludes to another Twitter user without including a link to the user’s account.” The example Merriam-Webster used is of Katy Perry. I want to die.
Welp: “Used informally like well (as to introduce a remark expressing resignation or disappointment).” Welp.
Dumpster fire: “An utterly calamitous or mismanaged situation or occurrence.” I imagine half the characters in Lady Bird using this word to describe their own life had it been around in 2002.
Silver alert: “A widely publicized bulletin that alerts the public when an elderly person or a person with a cognitive disability goes missing.” Now I’m just sad. I don’t want to do this any more.